


Wanting What You Have

by amberite



Category: Fringe
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 06:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberite/pseuds/amberite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trouble with trying to play along and assuming you know what's happening is that sometimes you'll figure out something you weren't supposed to have known already.</p>
<p>Like about Astrid and Walter.</p>
<p>(Takes place early in Season 3.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanting What You Have

There were places where Olivia's intel was imperfect, where she didn't know what she wasn't supposed to be aware of. Which was how she wound up with Astrid looking up at her, coat half on, eyes wide.

"When _did_ you realize that Walter and I...?" 

"I've known for a while," Olivia hedged. "It just didn't seem like there was a good time to bring it up."

Astrid blinked a couple of times, then shrugged her coat on the rest of the way. "How did you figure it out?"

"Small things," Olivia said immediately. "Just now - the way you smiled, on the phone, when you found out you'd be going back out in that wind to give him a ride. Like even though it's annoying, it's also..."

"...it's Walter," Astrid said, and nodded. "You're right. I don't mind because it's Walter." She lowered her brows in a puzzled frown. "Do you think Peter has noticed?"

"I don't think Peter has the best eye for this sort of thing," Olivia said, breezily. "Call it women's intuition, if you like."

"Are you going to tell him?" Astrid sat back down on a lab stool, coat and all. She tucked her keys back in her purse.

"He's not his father's keeper. So... how is that working out for you, anyway?" Olivia asked, keeping her tone light, trying to get the subject off Peter. "Do you just, you know, kick back and be brilliant at each other? Or is this some kind of a 'he makes me laugh' thing?"

Astrid shook her head. "I mean, he does," she said. "But I would love him if he didn't, too. It's...The way he treasures me."

"He forgets your name!"

"The way he looks at me sometimes, when I'm competent at something that confuses him, my name doesn't even _matter_. It's this look of utter gravity that makes the whole room go still." Astrid shook her head. "I... I feel that way when he's brilliant, too, but that's different. I almost think I don't deserve to be _that_ trusted, _that_ valued, just for being..." She searched for words. "Organized," she finished lamely.

"He needs you," Olivia said, trying to be reassuring.

"But that's just it. I mean... I know it wouldn't be the same between us. If he wasn't... damaged. And I don't know what it says about me... that I like him needing me, that it means I get to see him in ways no one else does."

"It's okay to want what you have," Olivia said. 

"Sometimes I feel like a bad person," Astrid said. Her voice was small, plaintive. "I mean, I think I would love him just the same if his brain was whole. But I don't know if he would love me back, and even if he did I don't know if it would _work_. If we would balance the way we do."

"You're not a bad person, Astrid. Not for loving." Olivia wondered if the words were coming out a bit vehemently, if she sounded like she was trying to convince herself. "If you were in his place, I mean... what would you rather be loved for: something you're not, or something you are?"

Astrid pondered that for a second, then a warm smile broke over her face. "Thank you. That does make me feel better." She stood and got her keys out again. "I'd best be going. Walter said something about a mishap with a tropical fish store and I'm just hoping we won't end up with a _really strange_ dinner..." 

Then she stepped out the door, leaving Olivia with her own question ringing in her head. _What would you rather be loved for..._

No matter how many times the words looped back around, she couldn't think of the answer.


End file.
